i wish my penis had a tongue
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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