Where did you get a picture of my penis
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
