There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
