hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
