if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I supernannyed him into submission
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
