just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
