this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
