We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
