Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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