There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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