I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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