So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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