i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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