The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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