On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
