im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
it's like heaven, but drunker
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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