she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
