apparently the secret to your success is patron
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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