Please, let me fuck your mom
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
