I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
