Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
