Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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