the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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