Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
