What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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