I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
