people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
