Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
