so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I forget how to act sober
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
