why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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