Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
