yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
