I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is this like a preordered booty call?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
