all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
