there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
