so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
