Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
