So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I am one with the molecules
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
