I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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