Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
