So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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