hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
