Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
