I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
