i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
