I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
