I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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