my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
