Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
