how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
