piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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