So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
